recently overheard at my house - "why don't bobby and whitney just leave this country? they have completely overstayed their welcome."

if i wanna say that something suckie is "gay," i'm gonna go ahead and say "gay." saying that something suckie is "gay," is in no way derogatory toward homosexuals in the same way that being homosexual is nothing derogatory toward happiness.

sometimes i think tom petty is an alien. i mean, he didn't age for like three decades, and now all of the sudden he looks old. kind of like he went, "oh, the earthlings all age, maybe i should join them."

when susan powter said "stop the insanity," it was in regard to healthy living. when rebecca marie says "stop the insanity," it is in regard to the razor industry trying to force consumers into unwitted, involuntary suicide.

i think that anytime you can work a bowling analogy into conversation you should. like, instead of saying "i'm batting a thousand," say, "i'm bowling three hundred."

i think i need to be arrested. whenever a body is found, after it's identified the news media releases a picture of the deceased and it's invariably from police files. if i die without being arrested, what ever will they put on the news?